Mr and Mrs Chng

After mrschng’s post on a Mother’s love, I thought it would be apt to generate a monthly list of who Lizzie loves in order, based on verifiable, reproducible tests and witnessed by many church friends. The test runs along the lines of this. Person A carries Lizzie. Person B stretches hand out to Lizzie. If Lizzie stretches out hand to Person B, this indicates that Lizzie loves Person B more than A.

So, after a week of tests, here are the results, in order.

1. Mrkaif!!!! (clap clap clap)
2. Pomelo (A pomelo that fang brought for a party)
3. Mrschng
4. Wei Hsiung (able to hold her for more than 5 minutes).

I guess this illustrates what a mother’s love is, even more. (i.e. unconditional, not expecting anything in return … :))

When I was pregnant with Lizzie, I began to appreciate my mom even more. Carrying a foetus inside you for nine months is no joke! Though there were lots of excitment, the pregnancy brought about quite a bit of nausea, sickness and inconvenience!  In addition, I felt very tired most of the time due to work.  Hence I appreciate my mom for enduring the hardship while carrying me in her womb.  You see, she’s married into a very traditional and big chinese household.  So being the wife of the eldest son in the family, her mom-in-law expected her to do all the housechores even when she’s very pregnant!  She had to cook and wash for the entire household which consisted of my grandparents, my dad and his four other siblings!  Many times, there were also relatives who would stay with them!  Naps in the afternoons were usually frowned upon!

After Lizzie was born, I appreciate my mom even more!  I experienced lots of difficulty in breastfeeding and really respect all mothers who tried their best to breastfeed their babies!  So when I realised that my mom actually did breastfeed me for a few months, I was really surprised as most mothers of her generation mostly gave formula milk instead.  I also respect my mom even more because unlike me, she had no family support here in Singapore as she’s from Malaysia.  In addition, my dad then was not a very supportive husband and that she had difficult in-laws.  So I really cannot imagine how she managed three pregnacies altogether!   Later on, she and my dad moved out of the extended family and my mom was all by herself looking after 3 kids, doing all the housechores and sewing clothes for other people in order to contribute to the household income!  She’s a woman who really had a very hard life.  As my dad was not a favourite son in the family, he tried very hard to prove himself in his early twenties.  However, he was never successful and was considered a failure.  As a result, he ended up with bad company and picked up gambling and drinking.  Hence he was often not at home.  But, unlike many drunkards and gamblers, my father never beat my mom.  He loved her, but he felt very lousy about himself.  Hence my poor mom was almost always alone when it comes to bringing up children and putting bread on the table for us.  But I know that she loved him and sympathised him because I could remember vividly that she always locked herself in her room at 7am to pray for an hour!  I know that she’s praying for dad.

I guessed she must have felt damn lousy when we kids always prefer to be with dad because he’s hardly around and when he was, he played with us.  Mom, on the other hand, always nag at us, made us do housework and scold us!  She didn’t play with me or my elder siblings as she’s always busy in the kitchen and sewing clothes to support us.  I never realised how much she’s done for the family until I become a mother myself and as I recall my childhood days!

She was a faithful woman of God. Illiterate, but her faith and testimony for God are far greater than many of us who did so much more bible study than her, sad to say.  After ten years of praying, her prayer was finally answered.  My father heard the gospel and became a christian, a serious one.

I remembered how happy I was after his coversion as we all went to church as a family finally and there was much joy and laughter at home!  We also had lots of family devotion!  It was lovely.  We were not rich in material wealth, but we were happy and contented as a family.  Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with kidney cancer two years later and passed away after nine months of struggle.  I didn’t know how my mom took it at that time.  Her happiness seemed so shortlived and her hardship seemed eternal as she was left with three kids, my sis 16, bro 15 and myself 10.

But God is sovereign, faithful and loving towards those who love him.  He didn’t abandon my mom and she lived on as a brave woman of God.  She brought us up being a seamstress and with the help of my grandfather who was quite well to do.  After my grandfather passed away, my grandma fell into a mental sickness that left her children helpless and unwilling to care for her.  My grandma became fully dependent on people to clean her, feed her and dress her.  When no one wanted to live with grandma, my mom offered to take care of her! Mom got scolded by her mom-in-law almost all the time due to her mental illness but continued to bath her, clean her shit and pray with her!  After one year, grandma’s condition got worse and we had no choice but to send her to a nursing home.  Even then, mom would faithfully go visit her and pray for her until she passed away about five years later.

A few days ago,  I was sick, Kaif was sick and Lizzie was sick.  I felt so miserable as I still have to care for my husband and my child.  I missed those days when I was so well taken off by my mother.  When I was sick in those day, I didn’t have to worry about anything.  I can just rest without worrying, wake up and eat!  Now, I have to constantly think about my baby and husband, cook and wake up in the night to check on lizzie.

As Kaif and Lizzie got better, my common cold and cough developed into serious siniusitis.  Hence Kaif had to take care of Lizzie and we had to get my father-in-law to help as he is quite free at work.  After a few days, I got better but i realised that Lizzie with obvious body language now prefers her grandpa and daddy!  She is constantly looking out for them and wanting them to carry her!  She even cries when they refuse to carry her!  I was so heartbroken and thought that it’s not worth it staying at home after all.  Moreover, I’m always the one disciplining her and trying to get her to develop good habits.  So I don’t always give in to her when she misbehaves.   I also don’t always carry her because there’re always some housechores and cooking to be done.  It’s just so bitter for me to realise that motherhood is not just about sacrificing one’s career, freedom and dreams in hope that the child will grow up with good and god fearing character, and being close to you.  The sacrifice does not guarantee the results that you desire.  Your child can grow up to be so different from what you expect that you wonder if the sacrifice is worth it.

But I thank God for Jesus Christ  and my mom who are my role models.  Comparing my plight with what they’ve been through, I realised that I’m very fortunate indeed!  Christ laid down his life for us even when we were his enemies! He love us even when we turn our backs on him! Our moms too did many things for us which they did not expect any returns and they forgive us when we were rude and ungrateful to them!

May the Lord Jesus help us, through his Holy Spirit, to live out this sacrificial love so that all may know how loving, good and faithful our creator is.   Amen.

Thank you for reading such a long posting!  Here’s a picture of my mom, nephew, Lizzie and niece.

As I’m looking through the photos which we’ve taken since princess Lizzie was born, I’m really amazed to see how much and how fast she’s grown within these seven months!!! From a tiny little baby, she’s grown really huge!!! Bigger than her peers who are older!!! It’s been a great joy and blessing to be able to stay at home to see how she’s grown and develop. From being a sleepy baby,she’s turn into a super active one who is always turning her head from left to right, right to left when you carry her in your arms and who keeps rolling, wriggling and crawling when she’s on the floor!!

This is an amazing book club which I’ve grown to love. By God’s grace, it all started when R, a church friend, asked me if I’d like to read Shepherding a Child’s heart by Tedd Tripp, together with two other moms - L and O.

I said yes! almost immediately! Firstly, I find the book very interesting and helpful in guiding me to bring up Lizzie to walk in the ways of God. Secondly, it might make my life as a stay-at-home mom a little bit more happening and busy. Thirdly, I enjoy talking to R, L and O as they have all been my great advisors for breastfeeding, sleep training and weaning since Lizzie was born! Hahaha…it’s because we’re all on Gina Ford routine (see The Contented Little Baby Book) and their babies are older than Lizzie!

Anyway, the book club has been such a blessing to me so far. Incredibly, I was very diligent in my reading (erm…for the first few chapters at least) - I thought through what I’ve read, underlined and even made notes! As the book presented several challenging ideas and procedures on shepherding a child’s heart, careful reading, contemplation, discussions and sharing actually helped me to feel a little more equipped in carrying the task. In addition, for such a difficult task - bringing up godly children - I find it easier to perservere on with a group of mothers rather than alone.

What I really like about this book club is that we are not restricted to discussing and sharing about the book only. Often there’ll be other various kinds of wonderful sharing on our difficulties and experiences as a wife,mother, daughter and daughter-in-law. What’s more amazing is that we could still do our sharing with our babies around! While we share, the babies would either be crawling around or sitting together playing with the toys or each other! Although they would take turns to cry,misbehave, crawl out of safety zone and be fed, we somehow could still do our sharing, have a cup of tea and enjoy some snacks!!!

Yesterday, however, could be the last time R and her baby, D, join us at the book club as they are leaving for California this Thursday for about 10 months! Hence we decided not to have book discussions but just share, pray and let the babies interact with baby D one more time before they meet D again next year! By then they may perhaps be running around the house rather than crawling around! How exciting! Maybe by then, such a book club would be harder to exist! We’ll see!

It is really amazing as I look back and recall how God has led me so far.

When I was in primary school, I dreamt of becoming a successful professional such as a lawyer or a doctor, but never a teacher. I regarded myself as a pretty smart girl because I was in the first class in school and I did better in my studies compared to my two elder siblings and other cousins. When I received my PSLE results, I was rather disappointed as I did not do as well as I expected. Nonetheless, it was enough to feel proud among my siblings and cousins.

When I was in secondary school, my dreams of becoming a doctor shattered and I secretly held on to the dream of becoming a lawyer, but never a teacher. Things started to change since secondary school days. I was proud in Sec 1, devastated in Sec 2, in denial in Sec 3, badly hurt in Sec 4 and very much disillusioned in JC days.

In my first year in GM Secondary School, I was still the proud little girl who thought very highly of herself just because she was in the first class and that she did better in her PSLE compared to many of her new classmates. But God always have a way to deal with arrogant people.

I did not do well and was streamed to the third class in Sec 2. Then I swore that I’d be promoted to the first class again by Sec 3. The reason was not just that I love science and would like to do biology, pure Chemistry and Physics but it was also because I despised arts. I always felt that it was meant for students who didn’t do well. Hence God had to teach me to appreciate arts the hard way. Despite the fact that I did well in all my subjects except Mathematics in Sec 2, I was streamed to an arts class in sec 3. It was the second last class of the level. I appealed to my teachers, to my principal, to my God in vain. I couldn’t do biology, pure chemistry and physics because they were offered with Additional Maths which I was deemed to be unable to cope with. In addition to disappointment, I felt that the whole streaming process was a very unfair one. As a result, I went to an arts class feeling injustice! I vowed that I’d do extremely well for my ‘O’ level to prove my teachers and principal wrong.

Guess what? I didn’t do well in my ‘O’ levels despite my hard work. From a proud little girl, I turned into an inferior creature in my JC days. I appealed into a junior college through band and felt inferior almost throughout my college days. I started to appreciate arts more due to fantastic teachers in the college but I never did well eventhough I was hardworking. I started dating a boy, Mr Chng, from the first class in college and felt even more inferior. At J2, a relief GP teacher called me at home and advised me to drop out of college to enrol in a Polytechnic because he felt that my English was so weak that I would fail my ‘A’ levels. Hence he thought that I could save one year if I drop out then. I was sure that it was out of good will that he advised me so. Unfortunately, that really made me even more inferior but it taught me to put mytrust in God rather than in man. I also thank God for Mr Chng, friends and my actual GP teacher. They gave me lots of encouragement and I persevered. Though I didn’t do well enough to get into Arts faculty in NUS, I passed my ‘A’ level examination! Well the story did not end here. Inferiority complex was not the end yet. IT just got worse!

Mr Chng did very well and won a scholarship to UK for his university education but I had to retake my ‘A’ levels as a private candidate. Hence I really felt so inferior that I wanted to end the relationship and be alone. But God was very kind to me. Mr Chng was very patient with me eventhough he is not the patient sort. Besides God, he was almost always there to deal with my inferiority complex in those days. Other than Mr Chng, God also sent J to walk this path of retaking ‘A’s with me. J has been a very close friend even up to now. Unfortunately, I always did not have the courage to share about Christ with her. Hopefully I will, one day, before it’s all too late.

Finally, I got into university and was dreaming one more time! When I was in NUS, I dreamt to be an economist or a successful banker but never a teacher. I thought that that was the only way to be more compatible with MR Chng and to move closer to his world. Yes, God came to stop me from dreaming again by getting my pastor to offer me a full time youth ministry post upon my graduation. I was very troubled and doubted that it was God’s will for me. Yet I didn’t want to be seen as outrightly disobedient by persuing a banking career. Hence I thought I could compromise by going into teaching!

Surprisingly, I had so much joy when I was teaching teenagers in school. I felt that for the first time, I could do something really well. It was meaningful and enjoyable. The job even helped me regain my self-esteem! Of course, I started dreaming again when my pride grows. I dreamt that I’d make a difference in the lives of my students. I dreamt that I’d make a difference in the education system. But there were always so much stress and disappointment at the end of the day. What’s worse was that God was neglected. Nonetheless I continued dreaming of accomplishing many things and thinking that teaching is what God wants me to do in my life. I thought teaching was my calling. That’s it. I never thought or imagine that I would or could stay at home to do the most unglamourous job on earth - look after kids, do housework and cook - until I gave birth to another life by God’s grace!

Now I am not the proud little girl anymore. Neither am I the inferior creature in college days. I am but an ordinary housewife who learns that she needs the grace of God everyday. Though pride is constantly an issue still and that He may lead me to pastures unknown, God has taught me a few important truths in life:
1) God never fail us.
2) Our self worth is not found in our academic excellence nor in our professional success nor in the praises or affirmation of man. Rather, it is found in our relationship with God.
3) God’s leading is always the best as He knows us best! So follow him!
4) God loves, thus he prunes and disciplines.

Now, I am married to Mr Chng. We have a precious little daughter name Elizabeth. And I am a stay at home mom. My job is just as meaningful and important because I know God sees it as important. Man looks at the appearance of a man but God looks at the heart. Peace with God and assurance from Him worth far more than millions of praises and affirmation of man.

Seeing that Sarah’s now a lady of leisure, I thought it’d be good if we have a conversation on the web.  This doesn’t mean that we don’t talk when we are at home of course. Nevertheless, I thought rather than hear from one boring person, you could hear from my lame wife

We’ll see how this experiment goes!